Dear Self, I Have My Happy!

"I Have My Happy." ~Leomy

Dear Survivor,

How are you doing? Kickin' and Surviving? I know life has been tough but you have done quite a good job to stay alive until this day, even though you're stuck and bored at home. I am sorry that I was not great enough to ignite your motivation, was not good enough to encourage, to appreciate you, to love you more as much as you deserved to be loved. I was not all ears to listen to your problems. I did not stand up for you. Instead you did that to anyone else from families and friends that needed it the most. Thank you for not giving up. I am so proud of you.

I Miss everything you used to do and plan to do before that March of 2020, that Batanes vacation was indeed one of the best vacation ever that moment had become your "I Have My Happy", and looking forward right away of coming back after a few months but then pandemic happens just like a comet that hits the earth suddenly everything changes. And you wished you did more than what you're holding back to yourself and realized you've wasted so much time and chances and happyness.....

You did a good job for giving our frontliners breakfast to few hospitals, that is something I never thought I could do but you did it in your simple humble way and it felt I had done something good to our society during this pandemic. I  am so proud of you.

Stay Healthy please, I'm begging you we can work out on this. Don't forget you almost meet death and it was slap in the face realization for you to stay healthy steadily now that you're 41, but then again you should enjoy your life because after all life begins at 40 isn't it? You scared the hell out of me after finding out your BP went 200/170 that was so freakin' scary, thankful that you somehow behaved and loved your health and body more. You and Me have to stay alive for each other. 

I know that is not easy for us, for everyone right now. I know it’s not easy for those lying in the hospitals, I know it’s not easy for those who lost someone. Life really hits us so hard in a span of more than a year now. That’s why it’s important to live the moment, without thinking of the past or the future. It is important to spend quality time with your family and love one's because to be honest you'll never know when you might lose them and you may never get the chance to tell them that you love them. I can’t count all the activities I do to stay positive. This situation has taught me many things.

I am aware of everything that has been taken away from us due to this situation, of all the unrealized plans, be it birthdays, travels, blogging events, visit to mama's grave and sadly, we cannot do anything about it. But we are not powerless! On the contrary, it is all of us together that can make the world a better place. If each of us respects the measures imposed by authorities, the situation will get better and it will pass much faster than expected. And I hoped.

Staying at home is one of the most important measures. I know it sounds difficult and believe me, at first this sounded impossible to me, because I am used to going out almost every day. I found it hard and boring, I wasn’t used to sitting in front my mini home office for so long which I only usually do at night. I tried things I had never tried before, believe me it was helpful not just to make myself busy but to my mental health and health as well. I had more time spending time with my nephews which I love to do! Also, I have to admit I so wanted to have my own child already, but God maybe has other plans for me and my partner, and I'm praying for it.

Happy Graduation to you. Yes you graduated along with your sister, and by that you made your mama proud. Unselfish love and protection for your family, your sisters. You put your happiness, self, and plans for them to have a good life. And you did it with flying colors. Mama must be very proud of you for granting one of her death wish. That's how you make your mama proud. Ow my I miss Mama.....

By the way, I hope you are more confident to stand up and rise up to challenges. I hope you stop comparing your life to that of others. Tell yourself that your life is perfectly imperfect. At the end of the day, it is all about yourself. Always learn to love and appreciate yourself before you want to be accepted or loved by others. P.S. be good to yourself at all times.

Create a meaningful life for yourself that you can be proud of. Promise me, you will make the most of it all. Never let anyone get in the way of your goals in life. More importantly, never give up on your passions and your dreams. Do not waste your time on people who do not believe in you. You don’t need anyone like that in your life. Only surround yourself with people who encourage and inspire you.

Always remind yourself that its ok to lose some battles, because you can still win a war. Do not just surrender and give up. Mama is our wind beneath our wings.

Ask when you need help. No one can read your mind. Time won't stop for you. Worrying and stressing is simply a waste of time. Nothing will change your situation more than changing your attitude. Perspective is everything. Be thankful for your struggles, because there is a lesson to be a learned in the end of it. Be strong and know that you are in God's hands. Everything will work out. It may not be today or tomorrow, but eventually the pieces will fall into place and you will understand why the battle was worth it. You are so strong my dear. You have been through a lot and come out on the winning end. The world has tried to break you, but you never let it. Thank your past, for it has made you into a better person today. 

Remember you're #GandangLeomy, DO NOT forget that because your Mama say so and I believed it whole heartedly. And that you have a good heart which your Papa is proud of you're his #CrownlessBeautyQueen. The people who kick your but to keep going are the people you should always chose to believe and appreciate. You are stronger than anything that has tried to tear you down. You are a survivor, not a victim. So with that, try not to be so hard on yourself, we both know you’re doing the best you can.

Future is something that keeps you wish upon a star and awake at night. So someday in the future, once you come back to read this letter, I hope you will feel happy that you have followed a path that you are proud of, which allows you to understand yourself better. Surprise me with what you have for your happiness. Write at least one blog each month for what had happened during the pandemic and reminisce everything it brings and felt, even the things you're doing. Just laugh about it and Be Thankful that you will be ale to read this again after 2 to 3 years, because I tell you nowadays it is a privileged to stay alive.

Be happy. There are so many things to be thankful for. You know you deserve the world, now go get it. 

Wait there's something else I wanna tell you, have you noticed that you have changed? You have. You have improved. I am glad that you did. This change is beautiful. Keep it going throughout your life.

Always find happiness and if you can't find it be kind to give it.....

Xoxo,

Leomy